Most parents work hard to raise better children and happier, but even the best intention can fail without knowing, affecting kids for the rest of their lives.
Unfortunately, though, there are parents who do more than simple occasional mistakes, they fall into the category of toxic parents.
Whether they do it intentionally or not, there are certain patterns of behavior that may affect the children emotionally and mentally so deeply, they experience severe negative effects even after they become adults.
If you view yourself in any of the situations below, it means that one of your parents, or maybe even both, were in a smaller or bigger, toxic parents.
1. Do not Provide Safety and Support for children
There are parents who believe that through education, children will be better prepared for the future. If you were part of this education, you may be left with the impression that he had a positive impact on your own life. If, however, you feel destroyed whenever you are struggling with a failure or a refusal, this comes from the lack of security and support that you were given when you were little.
The severity can help sometimes, but can not be the only method of education of a parent, if he wants his son or daughter to become an adult.
2. Parents Criticize too Much.
All parents criticize their children once in a while. And sometimes criticism is necessary, otherwise, we wouldn’t form even those basic responsibilities like washing our clothes.
A toxic parent’s criticism leads to extreme and absolutely everything what their child does. Parents may find that doing this for the good of the child, in order to prevent him to make mistakes.
Unfortunately, though, this kind of behavior not only turn it into a child’s person highly criticize themselves, which will negatively affect the whole adult life.
3. Parents Need their Children’s Attention.
Often, toxic parents exchanged roles with their children asking them all the attention. Although it can be seen as a rapprochement between parents and children, is, in fact, a parasitic relationship that it depletes a child of energy that should use to develop other abilities.
Although it can be difficult at times, a mature parent would have to create an environment in which the child will live her childhood, not to require constant attention, just to fulfill their own needs.
4. Make “toxic” Jokes about their Children
All parents make jokes with the kids, but when they become a rule, can become a problem. You don’t have to accept this behavior just because your father had joked all the time on account of the weight or height. After all, it is just a tactic by which you destroy self-esteem.
If one parent has, indeed, a concern with respect to the child or, should address the issue sincerely and openly, not to make nasty jokes.
5. Get the Children to Believe that they are Worth Living this Way
Do you have the impression that you were treated wrong or physically or emotionally abused because you deserved it? If you think so, it means you still feel responsible for the negative behaviors of those around you and think you deserve it. Toxic parents can adapt to any situation to their own needs and forcing children to deal with two situations: either accept that their parents were wrong, either assume the blame for their behavior. In most situations, even when children become adults, choose the second option.
6. Do not Allow Children to Express their Negative Emotions
Parents who refuse to respond to the emotional needs of children and neglect negative emotions prevent children to develop their capacity to express their own needs. There is no problem to encourage children to see the good side of any situation. But the denial of the child’s negative feelings and emotional needs of the latter will lead to depression and it will be more difficult for them to deal with the negativity as adults.
7. Intimidates their Kids even when they are Adults
Respect and fear should not go together. In fact, children who feel loved, supported and approach parents are much happier as adults. Although the discipline is necessary, do not use non-toxic parents words and actions in order to inspire fear and that may permanently damage the human psyche.
Children should not feel fear to show respect and adults should not be stoned by fear whenever they receive a phone call or an email from your parents.
8. Always put their own feelings first
Parents can live with the impression that their feelings should be the first priority, but this is an outdated mentality and does not help to create positive relationships. Although parents are the ones who take the final decisions in all respects, from dinner till vacations, plans must take into consideration the feelings of all family members including children.
The children of toxic parents repress their own feelings just to please their parents.
9. Adhere to the purpose of their children such as theirs
Have you had a parent that would concern themselves with so much of what you do that they get to take over the task, or even take one exactly the same? It may seem proof of deep interest in the child’s life, but often this attitude hinders a child to achieve their own purposes.
For example, if you prepared a cake for fundraising events and at the same time, your mom decides to bring her crackers, which gives free at the same event, it will be quite difficult to achieve your goal.
This type of behavior can disturb the whole life of the infant if precautions are not taken.
10. Control their children with money and using the feeling of guilt
Each of us may have been manipulated at a time by parents using the sense of guilt, but toxic parents use this tactic on a regular basis.
Even as an adult, parents can try to control you further by offering you expensive gifts and expecting something in exchange for them. If you don’t give them what they want, they can make you feel guilty for “everything they have done for you.” Mature and balanced parents have no expectations in exchange for money or gifts, especially if they were not even required.
11. Apply the treatment of silence
It can be hard to talk to someone when you are angry, but punishing a child applying her silence is treatment evidence of immaturity and may even be harmful behavior. This passive-aggressive treatment affects any type of relationship, even when a person has not done anything wrong. If the parent is too angry to have a rational conversation, you should apologize and postpone the discussions for a few minutes and not ignore the visible child.
12. Do not respect healthy limits
Parents may justify the need to be watching the children and, in certain situations, they really have to make the spies, to ensure that everything is okay with their children. But everyone must learn to impose some limits. Especially for teenagers.
Toxic parents exceed those limits, the act which may give rise to a whole series of problems. For example, a toxic parent will open door nursery without a knock.
This behavior will aggravate the child’s ability to set and abide by the limits of his adult life.
13. Make their children feel responsible for their own happiness
If one of your parents used to say repeatedly how many sacrifices it made for you, associating this with their own unhappiness, has created unrealistic expectations regarding your role in their lives. No child should not feel responsible for his parents ‘ happiness. And the parents, in turn, should never have to claim to the children to give up the things you love just to compensate for their sacrifices.
Such a burden hurled the child will prevent him from being an adult, to understand that every person is responsible for his own happiness. Removal of toxic people in our lives can seem like a mission impossible, especially if among the parents.
However, if measures are not taken, the emotional and psychological problems in childhood cannot be corrected. On the other hand, any parent who is found in any of these situations may require the help of a therapist to learn how to quit these negative patterns of behavior.