Sometimes we want to yell at our children. It is a reaction caused by the feeling of frustration or intense emotion when the kids make a scene or have a nervous outburst. But most of us know that high voice and penalties affect the child’s self-esteem and their confidence in us, we develop unhealthy coping mechanisms and makes them react worse in the future. In contrast, children with gentleness and healthy boundaries will help you become confident adults and healthy emotionally and will make the life of a parent to be an easier experience.
This article offers some insights and methods to educate children without screaming and without punishment. In the first half are a few tidbits about how can we, as parents, to become more balanced, and not to react emotionally; in the second half are methods that can be applied in everyday life in our relationship with the children, to help them to become more confident and less prone to emotional outbursts.
1. Be gentle with yourself and take care of yourself.
As we have a greater care of ourselves, we observe more their own needs and limits. If we feel tired and short of energy, it will be far harder to cope with kids nervous breakdown. In addition: as we are reconciled with our own person, so we feel less guilty when we do our ‘ mistakes ‘ or when we’re not doing things ‘ right ‘. So, besides personal care rituals as meditation, prayer, yoga, dancing (and/or whatever works!), talk to yourself as you talk with your own child, not as a harsh critic. Acknowledge your feelings, no matter how silly and irrational might seem. If you accept them and love them, they will be released, rather than remain locked in yourself.
Children outgrow the limits too often and for too long as often as we allow them. But at some point, we are going to lose patience. Let’s understand: sometimes you don’t say ‘ no ‘ to avoid ‘ a spectacle ‘, or because we want to be good parents ‘. However, much of the work of the parent is to establish some healthy limits. If you love your children does not mean to give them whatever they want whenever they want. And if you’re firm in your decision, you will see in the future much less ‘performances ‘.
3. You have to have realistic expectations.
When we go out with the kids in public places, we cannot expect them to behave like adults. A child will not stand quietly for an hour e as an adult. Although it is very good that you want to go out with the kids, you must not forget that we have to enjoy this experience and her. That is why we must not feel embarrassed, offended or guilty for their reactions. When we give up unrealistic expectations, the whole experience will be much more enjoyable for us.
4. Do not design your own fears over your child.
When we worry about children’s behavior or fear that they will become aggressive in certain situations, they will feel the negative energy and will comply with it. If a child starts to believe that he is ‘ bad ‘, he will begin to behave as such.
5. Heal the child within you.
Children can trigger a series of unresolved emotions in ourselves, making ourselves feel hurt and frustrated, perhaps in connection with certain childhood experiences or other difficulties through which we crossed during life. Our children will often reflect these unresolved emotions of ours when they feel it. That’s why it’s better to deal with those parts of you that suffer. Accept your feelings or about the past without judging you and offers the child within you all the unconditional love that they never received it or it needs now.
6.Spend quality time together.
Attention is a primary need for the child. When kids make scenes, many times they attract attention to the fact that they define and develop their own personality and need attention. Often an emotional outburst reflects greater freedom than the child can handle. Children want to feel secure through the guidance of our full love in the form of healthy limits. The best way we can do this for our children is to give them a quality time since they have part of our attention 100%. Children do not need us to be present next to them all the time. But time is invaluable to them. If they feel loved and protected will no longer feel the need to exaggerate in reactions.
7. Let him explore his freedom.
When children have attention and protection they need, will without a doubt have the desire to explore the world. This enables us to observe things around them to know their body better and satisfy their inner curiosity. Forays into the unknown made on its own initiative will develop and they will manifest their creativity and joy.
The playgrounds, as well as the departure of parents, depending on the age and needs of the child, and they increase with time. In these moments of play must be present beside the child. But you don’t have to interrupt him. We watch how they enjoy growing.
8.Help your child to feel understood.
No matter how ‘ childish ‘ may seem to us the child desires or emotions in a given situation, for him are very serious and real, no matter what it is. We shouldn’t strictly comply ‘ his desires ‘, but we can show them that we understand what he feels: ‘ I see you’re very upset, as you wanted to color your face and you got upset that I took your crayons, ‘ or, ‘ I understand that you like to eat chocolate all day alone. And I would love it. But we need some vegetables for a healthy body. ‘ They will continue to protest, but they are only children, and at least one will feel they are misunderstood and this detracts from the intensity of emotional outbreak.
9. Give him enough time to adapt to a change of activity.
Sudden changes can trigger opposition for children. Especially sensitive children are very useful to give them time to adjust to a change. Bedtime, for example: announce some time before that bedtime is approaching. You can say ‘ You can play 10 minutes, then go to bed ‘. And repeat this when there are five minutes, then a minute. Observe your child as being self-contained. Our children have small bodies and learn what it means to be human, we need to ensure the basic requirements for survival. But at the same time, people are freestanding with high capacity of understanding at different levels. So be sure to talk with your child as an adult: you don’t change your voice and say ‘ I ‘ when you talk about yourself, not ‘ mommy ‘ and ‘ Daddy. ‘
Don’t be ashamed if you feel not like yourself. Ask for help. Tell your partner that you have difficulty, find a babysitter or a parental advisor, ask for help from your parents, learn new methods of education to make things more enjoyable and easier for you. You’re not alone. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness: it’s the bravest thing you can do.